Starting Kindergarten

Every year as a school counsellor, I see just how big the transition to kindergarten can be. It’s exciting, but it’s also a lot for a little person: a new building, new adults, new kids, new routines, and suddenly having to do so many things without their usual grown-up right beside them.

And when parents ask how they can get their child “ready” for kindergarten, my mind usually doesn’t go to academics first.

Of course, knowing some letters, numbers, or how to write their name is great. But there are so many other skills that can make those first few weeks of school feel easier.

Here are some of the things I’d focus on.

Practice the really boring everyday stuff

Opening a lunch container. Zipping up a backpack. Putting on a jacket. Going to the bathroom. Filling up a water bottle. Remembering where their things are.

These seem so small at home because we’re usually right there to help. At school, though, your child is one of many kids who may all need something at the exact same time.

You don’t need to suddenly make your five-year-old completely independent. Just start giving them a little more time to try before jumping in to do it for them.

Make school feel a little less unknown

One of the hardest parts of starting kindergarten is that your child has no idea what this whole “school” thing is actually going to look like.

If you can, walk by the school. Play at the playground. Show them where you’ll drop them off and where you’ll come back to get them.

Talk casually about what might happen during the day: You’ll go inside, probably sit together for a bit, play, have a snack, go outside, have lunch, and then eventually I’ll come back.

You can also play “school” at home. Kids process so much through play, and sometimes you’ll learn more about what they're wondering or worrying about while playing school than you will by directly asking them.

Let them practice asking adults for help

This is a big one.

Your child doesn’t need to know how to do everything independently. They do need to start learning what to do when they can’t do something.

Practice things like:

“Can you help me?”

“I can’t open this.”

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I need a break.”

For kids who are shy, anxious, neurodivergent, or slow to warm up to unfamiliar adults, actually practicing these phrases ahead of time can be especially helpful.

Talk about making friends, but take the pressure off

I think we sometimes accidentally make “making friends” feel like another kindergarten assignment.

Instead, talk about the little moments that eventually turn into friendships.

“How could you ask someone if you can play?”

“What could you do if someone says no?”

“What if you want the toy someone else has?”

“What could you say if you need some space?”

And remind them that they don't need to walk into kindergarten on day one and immediately find their best friend.

Practice being apart

If your child is nervous about being away from you, you don’t have to convince them that kindergarten isn’t scary.

You can acknowledge it.

“It makes sense that you feel nervous. You haven’t done kindergarten before.”

Then pair that with confidence:

“Your teachers will be there to help you, and I’ll come back at the end of the day.”

That combination is important. We can make space for a child’s anxiety without accidentally reinforcing the idea that the situation is unsafe.

Keep the goodbye simple

If the first few drop-offs are hard, it can be really tempting to stay until your child feels completely okay.

But sometimes the longer we stretch out a goodbye, the harder it becomes.

Come up with a little routine: maybe a hug, a kiss, a silly handshake, and the same phrase every morning.

Then let the school staff take it from there.

There may be tears. Tears don't automatically mean your child isn't ready for kindergarten. They can simply mean, “I really don't like saying goodbye to you yet.”

Expect them to be exhausted

This is one I really want parents to know.

Your child might come home from school and completely fall apart.

That doesn’t necessarily mean something terrible happened at school.

Think about how much their brain has been doing all day: listening, waiting, sharing, transitioning, remembering rules, navigating friendships, managing sensory input, figuring out where everything is, and being away from you.

Sometimes kids use everything they have to hold it together at school and then release it once they're back somewhere that feels safe and familiar.

Those first few weeks, I’d keep after-school expectations pretty low when you can. Snack. Outside time. Play. Cuddles. Quiet. Early bedtime.

They've worked hard.

And finally, your child does not need to be perfectly “ready”

This is probably the biggest thing I wish parents knew.

Kindergarten is where children are supposed to learn how to be at school.

They don’t need to arrive already knowing how to sit perfectly, regulate every emotion, make friends easily, solve every problem, or do everything independently.

What helps is giving them lots of little opportunities beforehand to experience:

I can try.

I can ask for help.

I can feel nervous and still do something new.

There are other adults who can help take care of me.

And my grown-up always comes back.

As a school counsellor, those are the kinds of “kindergarten readiness” skills I care about most.